So I accept it: When your healing doesn't come when you think it should!

So as many of you know I have been battling an illness for close to ten years. Each year it seems the illness gets worse and worse. Due to my illness I have had to leave four jobs in one year! This illness has gone from illness to disability. I know it’s crazy. Over the years I have had many people pray for my deliverance and it has yet to happen. I don’t mean just anyone praying I mean some serious prayer warriors have prayed, laid hands, anointing me with oil, you name it they did it! But to no avail I have still been suffering with this illness. For months I just could not figure out for the life of me why God was allowing this to happen to me. I mean I know I am not perfect but give me a break God! God had been giving me clues as to why he wouldn’t let my illness leave me but it didn’t become clear until I changed my prayer. I finally got serious and said a God “either heal me or make it plain!” He made it plain.

Yesterday as I was studying my word I came upon the story of Jacob wrestling with God (or an angel depending on how you see it) (Genesis 32:22-32). Basically Jacob wanted God to bless in with favor with his brother Esau so he was fighting with God to get his blessing. Not just any fighting I mean ALL NIGHT LONG! In the process God touched his hip and put it out of the socket. God finally blessed Jacob so they stopped fighting but from then on Jacob walked with a limp. Due to my illness I have weakness on my right side and many times I walk with a limp. Never had I thought that my limp or illness was a direct result of me fighting for a blessing! My illness started when I had my beautiful daughter. It was a fight to get her here and healthy. I was on bed rest, high risk and many trips to the hospital. This was some serious all night fighting! With all of that she is here and healthy! She hardly is ever sick and deals with very little health issues.  As for me I walk with a limp (LOL).

But wait there is more! This morning while on my patio I was studying on Paul’s thorn in his side (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 gnb). Paul shares that to keep him from being prideful and relying on him God provided a thorn (painful physical ailment) in his body. Paul clearly was a quick learner because he only prayed three times and heard God's answer. As for me I had to pray hundreds of times before I could hear or accept the answer. God said to Paul “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” Paul went on to say “I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties for Christ’s sake.” Talk about a wake-up call! I think we all are very clear on the God grace being all we need but what we are not clear on is being happy and proud of our weaknesses!

In this world we are taught that weakness is a bad thing. We are taught to hide our disabilities and be sad that we are dealing with them. Never in my life have I been happy about a physical aliment until today. Today I accept that I am indeed disabled. My body does not work like everyone else’s and I have to pick and choose what I do. I have to press through the pain when I can and have a seat when I can’t. I have learned that I should be happy that I am dealing with a “thorn” because that means God’s power and protection surrounds me! I have extra special power! I also learned that I no longer need to “suffer” through my disability I need to live with JOY.

So from now on if you are praying for me don’t just pray for my healing. Pray that I may be happy with my illness and be able to function in God’s will while being ill. Pray my strength in the Lord to endure my weakness being proud and content. God may never heal me on this side of life but that’s ok and I accept it.