Grace

I find it is difficult for me to remain peaceful when someone does something that I have already expressed drives me crazy. For example, I have shared repeatedly with my daughter that I DO NOT like it when she stomps off in my house like she pays rent! It makes my blood pressure rise and makes me want to take the door off the hinges and “Kunta Kinta” one of her feet (lbs). It is in those moments that it is  hard for me to find grace for her and other people but I am working on it. It just dawned on me that God likely gives us a lot of grace because 1. He loves us but 2. He doesn’t want to be stressed out worrying about us and the things that we do that drive him crazy. For those who believe that God can’t possibly be bothered by what we do, think again. The bible says that we are created in his imagine and likeness. God was so upset with the Israelites he let them go around the same mountain for 40 years. The Bible also says that Jesus came from God and was indeed God in flesh. We all know that Jesus got upset at people a few times. Recall when he was turning over tables in the church house because people were abusing it? But I digress.

 Anyway,  I am sure that if God did not give is grace freely, but instead punished us each time we did something that wasn’t right or just down- right got on his nerves he would not have much time to bless us. For example, have you ever had to discipline a child for acting up? If not let me tell you it is a chore and quiet stressful if you have to do it on a regular basis. You have to take the time to discuss the issue and then hand out the punishment. 9 times out of 10 the punishment is harder on you than it is on them! You have to watch them suffer and sometimes suffer with them. Ever tell an 8 year old they can’t play their D.S. or be on the computer and then want to do some reading? Or be in the house with your spouse and you both are walking around not speaking and the air is so thick you can’t breathe? Yea, good luck with that lol.

 Sometimes it’s just best to show your children and people some grace to save yourself the headache and restore YOUR peace. I am not saying that you shouldn’t do it for the love of them, but you certainly should do it for the love of YOU. It’s a win-win situation, the person does not have to feel as if they have to be perfect and you don’t have to be stress about them either lol. Along with that the people who you give grace will likely give you grace in the future and we ALL can use some grace.  With that being said, this does not mean that you turn into a doormat and start letting people run all over you. Of course if you have shown your child much grace and they still are producing the same behavior than a loving punishment is necessary. I don’t know about you but God has gotten my behind MANY times. In the words of my great-grandmother God had to show me that “fat meat is greasy”!

 Without hesitation I will tell you this is easier said than done. God can do it so well because he has not been  jaded by this world. His entire thought process is based in love and peace. Thus it’s nothing to the “G” to just give you some grace and keep on going. You on the other hand are in the world and at one point were of it. Which means your ego and patience is likely extremely low. So just know that it will take time and prayer to develop your grace muscle. But once you began to master it you will find that you have an abundance of peace and that will make it all worth it.

 

The Miseducation of Mother

 

So, I had recently acknowledged that I really do not care for children. Now the truth isn’t that I don’t care for children. The truth is I don’t care for what I believed they represented. To me they represented a loss of freedom and a lot of responsibility. Children represented me believing that what I want to do and how I want to live is no longer a option because I have to take care of them. Now where did this come from? Part of it came from personal experience. I neglected to accurately take my birth control assuming that I couldn’t and wouldn’t get pregnant taking pills at different times of the day. Hey I used condoms too! Clearly I wasn’t very wise but that’s not here or there. Then I toyed with the idea of taking a morning after but I told myself that I didn’t need the pill because I wasn’t pregnant nor was I going to get pregnant…but I was pregnant.

 That meant that my will had to change. It had to go from self to another human being, so I was on the back burner many times. But I think the strongest influence was people. People, namely elders believe it’s their duty to give it to you straight and they really believe they are. Many of them told me “its not about you anymore its about that baby” “you are not the priority the baby is” “you life is on hold now because you have to take care of your child”. Now being a child myself (I was only 21) I never stopped to think, why does it have to be that way? Who said that my life has to be on hold and that I am no longer a priority?! I know that the Lord didn’t say it! God said to take care of your kids but I don’t recall anywhere him saying that I had to stop caring for myself and that my ENTIRE focus and life had to be for my child. He never said that all of my choices have to be based on the fact that I am mother instead of a human woman with dreams and goals! But I didn’t question it. I bought into what my elders told me hook, line and sinker. I believed that they had to know something since they have kids and have lived right?

Now I am a bit wiser and am doing some thinking of my own.  I am coming to realize that just because I am a mother does not mean that I have to wait for my child to be grown to live my life for me. Of course I have to provide a good life for her but I can create and have a good life for me too! If my God can heal cancer, prevent car wrecks, keep me from drugs and avoided me getting a few DWI’s in my life for being stupid, SURLY my God has the ability to help me create a life that benefits my child’s needs and mine! Many single mother’s will refuse to admit what I am about to admit. But before I realized that I had the ability to do both, I resented my daughter. Believe me I know that sounds so ugly, but it’s the truth! I am not here to feed you some sugar coated idea of what I think I am giving it to you raw and uncut.

Now I loved and still love my daughter but I resented what I believed being a parent had done to my life. I resented that it was no longer about me and that I am not a priority. But again I realize that if I don’t make MY LIFE about ME, she and I will suffer and so will anyone else in my life’s experience. So from now on I am thinking of the both of us. I am no longer just interested in a good paying job because that’s what the world believes you must have. I am no longer in the business of suffering in a position that gives me no joy because it’s expected for me to care for my child. Now I realize that if I my happiness is not a priority I am not able to give my child what she needs and that’s a whole, sane, joyful, lovable parent.

I have also learned that as I am slowly but surely becoming that wise “elder” that some girl in crisis may choose to come to. I will take that responsibility seriously and give the best advice I know how. Starting with, you can have a child and still have YOU! It may be hard work but it can be done! Don’t stop living for you because with God you can do it all!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hvntSfvqGQ