The time for change is now…even if I don’t like it.

 

 

So there I was living my life and boom! God decided that my life was about to make a big change wither I wanted it to or not! I had just moved back to my home town to be with the love of my life and to start a new higher paying job with the company I had been with for six and a half years. Before I had moved I felt God tell me that I should not work and just take some time off and work would come. My flesh was not hearing it so God permitted me to get a higher paying job at my then current employer. You would think that I was on the top of the world but you would be wrong. At first I was. Things were going well on the home front and I was flying through my new job training. Unfortunately, my physical body was not so happy. My migraine condition flared up and would not let up. At the same time I was having stomach issues which caused me to vomit at least ten times a day. I figured that if I just took a few days off things would get better and I could return. After three weeks of sickness and 7 doctors appointments things just was not looking good. I went to what would be my last doctors appoint for a few weeks and the doctor hit me with news I wasn’t trying to hear. He told me that the stress of the position at my job was causing my illness and I was not going to get better until I no longer worked there. He basically told me I either needed to quit the job or risk my life. I let it go in one ear and out the other until the morning of the day I was to return to work.

I woke up feeling as if I was literally having a nervous breakdown! My stomach was turning, I was hot, head hurting, my body was shaking and I was crying uncontrollably. At that point I decided that I was going to do what I needed to do. At that point I decided that I no longer needed the money and position. All I wanted and needed was God and peace. If that meant people would judge me and call me dumb I didn’t care. I did not care that my car could be repossessed and not have my hair done. All I wanted was to do the will of God! I picked up the phone and made one of the hardest calls I ever had to make. I called my then employer and told them I was unable to return and would not be returning. My manager asked me if I was sure and I calmly said “yes”. Once I hung up the phone I still felt fearful but at the same time I felt as if I made the right decision. Soon after that I began to regain my health. I went from 20 percent to 80 percent in about a week. So then I figured that now was the time for me to return to work and school. In the blink of an eye I had a job with the school district and was accepted into the college I had applied. I thought “now this is what God wanted for me!”

 

A few weeks before classes where to began I went online to enroll. To my horror, I was not able to enroll due to a very old balance that I owed the school. I prayed and believed that it would be ok because God must have a better plan. The next week I started the training for my new job. Things were going well and out of nowhere I was hit with a bad migraine. Back to the hospital and doctor. Again the doctor told me that I was not going to be able to work. Again I had to call my employer and again quit. At this point I had left the job that paid me the most money I had ever made, was unable to return to work on my degree AND I can’t work the job of my dreams…..God has got some serious explaining to do!

The first week was rough. I was sad that my life was no longer how I pictured it would be. I was no longer able to do what I had always done and I was no longer able to do what I thought God called me to do. Then one morning I woke up and realized that no matter what, God sits on the thorn. Where I am is where he wants me to be so I just needed to make the best of it. So I started making smoothies and resting. I wasn’t really used to just resting and healing. I was used to being sick and pushing forward so it was very hard for me to just “rest”. What was even harder was facing the fact that I am in fact, disabled. Not that there is anything wrong with people who are disabled. It is just very hard to accept that you can do thing like you used to and you have to adjust your lifestyle. But now I think I have the hang of it. I spend time with my daughter and I am home everyday to greet her when she returns from school. I am able to help her with home work and spend time doing the things I couldn’t before. I am able to go to church because I am not too tired or overworked.

Basically what I am trying to share is that life is not going to go how you planned, but the point is for you to maintain YOUR JOY! No matter what other people have to say or think about you your life, keep your joy! So what you don’t have a job or a title. You are not your job and title! You are so much more in God if you let him use you. I know that God removed those things from me because he wanted me to know that he and he alone is my source. Anything I get I know without a doubt that it is GOD. I also know that God has a big plan for my life. He has shown me just a glimpse and I look forward to the greatness he will show through me!